Parents Of Suicide
Writings Library
Letter To John

Erica van der Werff
February 22, 2001

I address this letter to you my son.

To know great sadness, makes one appreciate true joy and happiness. If we tried to balance the spectrum, happiness must be the greater.

John, you were a shy sensitive kind young man, with a heart that would beat boldly for the welfare of animals. Always ready to help others. Your love of nature knew no bounds. Your sense of adventure was beyond all measure. You achieved many remarkable feats in your adventures, which made my heart fill with pride, but tremble at the risks.

You tried new activities that few would ever dare. All carried out with thoughtful precision.

John, although your last few months were troubled and sad, you tried your best to rise above it all, often having to cope with condemnation from your fellow man who found it easier to ridicule, than look on you as a worthwhile human being who had a place in the scheme of life. Maybe, just maybe John, someone will be able to find a lesson in your life.

John my dearest child, I will miss you so much, but I am secure in the knowledge that you have now found perfect peace and happiness, and that your spirit is forever free.

Goodbye today my son, my protector and my friend. Thanks for being. Thanks for the wonderful memories. I will always continue to ask WHY? but I do know the answer.

Post Script. 22 February 2001:

Death is but a flash - a moment in time. Today is 3 months since you left John. The tears are less now, the pain has not eased, and the 'missing you' continues unrelented. But! .....there are brief moments, when I can focus on your life rather than your death. I can give thanks to God for the 27 years of your life. John as your mother, I will always remember you with pride and a young man of unbelievable courage.

" Let me look back and to my conscience say ~
Because of some kind act to beast or man ~
The world is better,
that I lived today".

I will love and miss you forever John,
Erica - your Marmie.

Written by:
Erica van der Werff
Mother of
07/19/73 - 11/22/00